No matter how psychologically healthy – heck, perfect – you want to believe you are, there’s a little part of you that wants to be your partner’s hero in a relationship.When he falls into a slump, you want to believe that you have the magic to pull him out of it and make him happy.It feels disloyal to describe my fiance as ‘someone with depression.’ Because he is so very, very much more than that. In my head a depressed person is someone who can’t get off the sofa, who’s constantly plagued by misery. He’s the king of ‘we’ll get through this’ and ‘don’t be silly, of course we can.’ Or at least most of the time he is. He’s one of the most positive, optimistic, life-affirming people I’ve ever known.I’ve learned that those reassurances aren’t for me. He needs to hear me say that it’s okay, that I don’t mind, and that I’m not going anywhere.The worst way that Jack’s depression affects our relationship is in how it changes his ability tolerate alcohol.Sometimes, and there’s no real rhyme or reason to it, the mists come down and he sinks back into a horribly familiar routine.
I was convinced I would lose all my friends if they knew, that they'd think I was too sad to be around.This the unfortunate reality for many who suffer from depression.They feel their moods are too much to handle for other people and they can't possibly have a normal life because they're “damaged.”The reality is sometimes we can't control our moods and sometimes we do just need to be sad.Most of all, we just need to know those who love and care about us wont judge us or abandon us.As I near the “dirty 30,” I'd like to think I've come to terms with my diagnosis and it's because of this I think I have the strong relationships I do with the people in my life.But, when it happens, it’s like an eclipse over the person I know and love. His bouts of depression are generally short-lived – a couple of days at most – and have seemed to happen less and less frequently over the three years we’ve been together. He finds talking to me hard, he finds getting out of bed hard.